Have done quite a few things lately,learnt people,loved a few,loved one and one more..its been that way with me. :P Sometimes its just nothing(heaven should surely be a white canvas) There are hundred people we meet,a few we remember for long,another few cannot forget..and last few we hate to recall.But love stays,those spent moments seem fresh even at the thought of a recall..fresh enough.They keep coming back,to kill you and make you live at the same time.Can two equally strong and opposite things stay together at the same time? i dont wonder enough about it though.. i like this eternal space for myself..this only seems true..did i say seems? no,this is the only truth.Stay for a little longer and you will know i was just another you.I know no other fact about me.
"To him she seemed so beautiful,so seductive,so different from ordinary people,that he could not understand why no one was as disturbed as he by the clicking of her heels on the paving stones,why no one else's heart was wild with the breeze stirred by the sighs of her veils,why everyone did not go mad with the movements of her braid,the flight of her hands,the gold of her laughter.He had not missed a single one of her gestures,not one of the indications of her character,but he did not dare approach her for fear of destroying the spell.."
I opened my eyes to an eternally stretched sea that's narrating mildly its eternal glory..The blue in the water drifting to white..like consuming all to nothing.
The soothing air over my eyelashes,touching every core of my heart..and my mind wanders all over again...Why do I want to sink into this eternal silence that's gonna last only a while longer? why do i think my end would be as dim and insignificant as the light of my maid's room? Why do i want to die cause am done and content? what is done and content? Why am i at peace with only questions on my mind?
Calmly disturbed..i open my eyes,smiling heartfully..while shedding a tear.. and believing to fill the mighty blue waters..somehow..somewhere.
There are many types of magic, but all require a sharp mind and a cool head. There is no puzzle I can't solve, no problem I can't think my way out of. When you feel confused or uncertain, you can always rely on me to untangle the knots and put everything back in order for you.
She walked with pretendence resembling an inflated nothing.She stopped and smiled resembling a frown.She broke and cried resembling a prayer.She confused herself with the person she never was,still..she looked hopefully at the person she might have been.She held herself collecting all the little 'hers'..consuming all the little 'hers'.She didn't speak,She couldn't.She wasn't dumb either.She melted and spread the liquid her,got herself wet..and some more.But she dried the other her..she slowly learnt to.She lied naked among her other naked selves.All looking at eachother helplessly..and suddenly paused to hear a cry..one of them had died.Some wept,and a few smiled ungratefully resembling death.
Ah! something finally feels real.It needs no explanation,no expressions,no frills..no tantrums.It doesn't need you,(for once).It needs nobody,not even me.It needs no light,no darkness..no breeding place..no living place.It needs nothing!(for once).Never did i know inspite of not knowing something..i would actually understand most of everything!. This strange,yet known place seems only mine.This dark yet cold place seems most alive.This seemingly unfelt thing seems most felt.And for once i feel real..perhaps..most real.
I dont want to end this and.. that,but does end justify the means?
(had written this after reading Kahlil Gibran for the first time..)
Dont know what to write or why am i choosing to write..but somewhere I totally wanted to get over you or maybe wanted to completely get into you.At this moment both feel same..infact all feel same.You gave me heartaches and glorified my existence for a moment.All came to a standstill and I desperately wanted everything to be translated to you..with a mild air of gratitude coupled with the fact of being able to be known to you.Behind those simple words you made me visualize what a world with 'nothing' in it would look like..or with everything in it would look like..What and how it is to feel at nowhere..everywhere.. Between these pauses and these confessions lies a mixed feeling of unreasonable query,bliss and anxiety..Hope you know how it feels.A helplessness of not being able to express feels more fulfilling,bounded with immense purple,the purple that oozes out helplessly after heartaches for which you may be the reason..heart is celebrating cluelessly..Thanks for being there..or were you always there?
the world hinders.. and i still walk. lost in this stillness lost in these thoughts... wonder why it still seems am on a run.. and wonder why i begin to stop..begin to walk..begin to rock rock in the stillness,rock in tis song.. pardon me if i were loud, but can u hear me when i walk?
a dark music, dying to survive.. surviving to.. die?! where does the mystery unfold?? when do i sigh? like a truth its naked, like a lie i hide. but when i hear every beat, it echos in my own eye!! ..jus hoping to darken this music, and slowly drift away..in this darkness.. a haunting silence emerges from somewhere, and insanity magnifies.. and hey! there its lost, and again i live...i die.. by faith...by law.
a blinking idea, a shimmering desire.. all collapse at an exhausted hope. perplexed tear, fails to fall.. intruding faith..immobile. at a standstill i hear a call.. faintly familiar, utterly distinct. I regain vision,blinded by self. I see nothing.. and nothing sees me. Dark and damp like tis cold feeling.. am flushed in tommorrow, in the less known in the more unknown.